my mummy n i!

kay it's more of my mum lah cus i found some of her pictures...when she was young and thought they're real pretty!! :)

this is when my mum was real young. super wooper duper cute!!


then she blossomed into a pretty shu nu. [like real. she's damn tomboy inside lah.]


let's compare that face with this face.

tt's my mum's stupid daughter who just tio-ed chicken pox. sb suey.
i look like my mum not? actually i dun think so lah.
different features all together. i wish i had my mum's eyes!!

this one's my mum's wedding photo. took me awhile before i uncovered it inside some super duper wooper dusty drawer. the guy beside her isn't my dad so i din include him. anyway not handsome one lah. my dad oso not handsome one. tt's why im like tt lah. SEE. =D


i think my mum looks better withOUT makeup. more natural. plus her features are damn nice already.

ok i think im in love with my mum mans.
she's DROP DEAD GORGEOUS!

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/28/2005 05:18:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

insomnia.

INSOMNIA - a result of oversleeping. for any normal average being, they sleep a good 8 hours. for me? it's the opposite. im awake for 8 hours.
i tossed and turned and tossed and turned and tossed and turned and tossed and turn and fcuk am i damn bored to retype this over and over and over and over and over again.
the power of insomnia. soon it's insansomnia - combination of insanity and insomnia.
ok thanks for that hard laugh. it indeed is hard to come by.

im grouchy im BONG. im so BONG i dont know what im saying. ok. whats nadal doing now.
I WANT TO SLEEP. but i cant. wth. i must have been too evil for the past few days to have deserved this. PLEASE I NEED TO SLEEP. i wanna wake up in time to catch my Academy Awards at 9am.

why is it that almost all rather cute guys are either gays or attached already. WAH LAO.

even if that meeting was by chance,
i wish i could relive it.
so short, so brisk was the moment
i dint even have the opportunity to keep it,
to remember every feature of urs.
and before i know it,
u aint meant to be in my suitcase of belongings.
talk about fate.
what use is it for a meeting
that's too shallow for the budding of any friendship
or any sort just like tt.
i just aint satisfied.
bring me back to the moment.

for now, i just wanna fall in love asleep.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/28/2005 01:21:00 AM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

back to childhood days!

i still vaguely remember i was a PAP kid, but i was also this private kindergarten (or was that nursery) kid. all the transfers from here to there, from there to here..haha! i remember!! i remember using the scissors to trim some paper cuttings, to perfect these cuttings..and there's this little boy etched in my memories as well. i know we'd bully each other! =) but i seriously have no idea how he looks like nor his name. childhood days! =)

now im 19, it's been years since i last touched colour pencils, esp since i hated art when i was young lah. all the bullshit about pisces being fantastic artists. shit isnt it. =)

anyways!! :)
i found this cute little sharpener at the stationery shop nearby hee. CUTE RITE. and for the first time, i chose pink over blue.


but that's because i chose a blue glue! (it rhymes! lame attempt.)


my colouring materials! im gonna start drawing cartoon characters for my friends.. =) with a little quote and msg from me to them..just a little gift before we get back our results. and i hope i dun give up halfway! cos i cant draw FOR NUTS. trust me on that. and if tweety doesnt look tweety or pumpkin doesnt look pumpkin, MUST KNOW I TRIED MY BEST K. im drawing from the computer screen onto white paper, no tracing paper, no nothing. =)


glitter baby!


and when u put the kiddy things together, u get a whole lot of colour.
pretty pretty! :)


i feel like im still a child. =)

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/27/2005 03:08:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

itch or urge!?

sudden itch, no, urge, ok, ITCH la (more relevant as to the condition im in now. =)) to draw and date back to my good ol' kindergarten days of holding a colour pencil. let's hope this itch sustains (man. why the curse on myself) and i get to make draw everyone a little something =).

tt's the problem when u're too bored and too much paper to spare.
but the problem?
WTH. u dont have the colour pencils lar.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/27/2005 12:53:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

funny

it's always funny how you have so much to say and to think 'allrights ill think about this when i blog later' and when it comes to staring at this blank white space with few icons here and there, u're stuck and lost for thoughts.

anyway my pox are starting to reduce in size so i guess i should just thank God for blessing me with mild chickenpox, and not a full-blown one. shant talk shits about how disfigured my face is with the bumps i feel so damn shit about it. argh. im potentially disfigured for life. OH MY GOSH.

i cant believe im bored stiff-stiff to the fact that im browsing through all the TV channels just to kill time. and im actually sleeping away my time. i could have been out, working my last few days you know? i bet you dont know. at least i get paid instead of staying at home to stare at the space, the tv, and the pox. my, my. cant believe this.

anyway im loooking forward to saturday, that's effectively today because will be a couple of good shows. how i know? ah yes, how i know. because i surfed the web for the tv listings tomorrow. and yes, that's how bloody bored i am. =(. and not to forget, there's The Simple Life tomorrow! it's the bimbo stupidly hilarious show! i know abby is just as excited as i am. she claims that paris' her best friend, ha ha ha!! all rights, so what have you say about "bimbos are the least harmful sort of people around. they are dumb". at least they're willing to pretend, for that matter, to be bimbotic and dumb and worse still, they dont even mind being laughed at. shit guts they have, really =). yay! i love that show. =)

chanced upon this site and saw super funny photos.. =) he was a huge crush i guess and he dint know =)) the pictures are funny!! saw him when he had his sec2 face. super cute! now not so cute already. but anyway, it was funnny! great way to send myself to bed! -smiles-

nites to all. morning, rather. =)

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/26/2005 12:49:00 AM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

ay-el-ee-aRr-tee!

ALERT!
all rightss.
to all ny friends: i heard that ms foo's back in nygh so any time free we ought to have a class gathering =), (hoorays! i love class gatherings but preferably after ive recovered from the scars. =( ) and and and! the most important thing is i think nygh is doin' some fundraising so if u guys have the time, do help out k! jieqi and i should be helping out. think ny's the poorest independent school around. i still remember how mrs chua was elaborating on our electricity bills one assembly. went up to a 5 figure sum and it was so bad we were advised to switch off the lights if noone else' in the restroom. hmmm...nonetheless ny's provided every ny girl a quality education, really and im very sure all ny girls are proud of that =)

that's all for now. =)

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/25/2005 09:22:00 AM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

american idol craze! -grins-

the judges - randy paula simon think that this batch's of guy contestants are the best so far. but i beg to differ.
i think the gals are better - leave a cleaner, stronger impression. at least for me. =)

i can hardly think of a guy contestant to root for, but if i have to say, i think Mario Vazquez is my cup of tea. yucks with constantine and bo. i think rock and roll's out for me - not the music style but the image style. they look like they cant afford a haircut. all right, at least a trim should do? i thought jared was quite cute but seriously, he cant sing. cant sing.

i dont like aloha cos i think her boobs are too ...i dont know to sae flat or flab. but in any case, argh. not an apple to my eye really.

i think amanda avila is hot. she looks like sandra bullock doesnt she? =) anyway i think AI girls this season are pretty much gorgeous! oh dear. lesbo syndrome again.

anthony fedorov just all right. neutral about him just that he reminds me of john stevens. not so much of aiken as the judges say.

anwar robinson...i like his style, really =). he's got an amazing voice but image wise, not clean enough for me lah. clean clean hunky hunky nice nice!

i LOVE, read this: i LOVE, carrie underwood. i just adore that tone of hers when she sang that dunoo what country song...and she's pretty =) im rooting for nadia turner as well. love her hair, damn got style. i like celena rae for her looks, heeS!

im okay with jessica siera, just that she looks more like 29 than 19.
well.

then we have, the janay castine. dun really like her lah. =] maybe cuz her hair was too flat for my liking today.

have i mentioned jared already? i think he's hot but cant sing. judd can sing but he acts too hot. all right, that gives reason to why they are out.

i think sarah's got a nice voice -smiles- but she looks so unforgivingly bitchy but hot. rights. see, so many eyecandies for the guys this season it's so unfair to the girls!! esp since there's only left mario. unless some think that scott is hot. i think he's cute though! :) abit of the reuben-matthew blood in him, eh?

vonzell is just fine for me.

and the one i cant stand most in this competition is none other than mikalah gordon. groosssss. she is 100000000000837282911 times more more more more exaggeratin than me. oh gosh! i hate her big actions really, makes me wanna slap her and just pluck off that mole (i wonder if it's genuine or just some stickons to increase her already zero mark on the sexy-o-meter. im sorry but such moles only work on gorgeous people like cindy crawford. the rest? just like some leftover shit from the dog's ass.) aiya anyway, i just cant stand her. can she just get out of this competition ASAP?

i think lindsey's another hot chick. but man, she's gotta leave some impression cus she's very very easily forgettable. =( but shes really cute =)

the rest. nothing to say. either im too lazy or.
they just havent left an impression.
-shrugs-

mikolah sucks. =") as much as i do.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/24/2005 11:01:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

personality test. (again)

ha! that only goes to show how Mdm. Boreness has been bugging me since i opened my eyes to embrace this new beautiful yet stifling day. Beautiful because i've another day to live-thankful and grateful as i am for this day. Stifling because yes you've got it no righter-being stuck at home and so, so afraid of going out lest anyone on the street pokes fun of the little poxy dots i have. actually frankly i dont think i have a lot of pox. i mean the number of pox a person gets, averages up to a couple of hundreds right. i've less than a 100 i guess and YES im so fortunate i feel.

anyways. here's the results. im an Enthusiast, as if you're blind and cant see. =]

free enneagram test

im type 7 with 7 points, highest.but i think, i THINK, im pretty much close to type 2. a 6 point. that's the caring type. haha! me? caring? oh well actually i think i am. but im selective about it. im not going to care for some ah mao ah gou i see on the streets.. as a child, i used to always cry when i walk past the beggar stationed across the street but as i grew up, mum was practical, she said we shouldnt really bother about people who still have hands and legs to work. they chose the easy, but definitely and not necessarily the best way out - to just laze around and await people's shillings to drop into that pathetic metal tin they have.

tt's why, ive always thought im a fortunate child. hm.
anyway :

The Busy, Fun-Loving Type:
Spontaneous, Versatile, Acquisitive, and Scattered

Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain
Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content — to have their needs fulfilled
Enneagram Seven with a Six-Wing: "The Entertainer"
Enneagram Seven with an Eight-Wing: "The Realist"


Profile Summary for the Enneagram Type Seven
Healthy: Highly responsive, excitable, enthusiastic about sensation and experience. Most extroverted type: stimuli bring immediate responses — they find everything invigorating. Lively, vivacious, eager, spontaneous, resilient, cheerful. / Easily become accomplished achievers, generalists who do many different things well: multi-talented. Practical, productive, usually prolific, cross-fertilizing areas of interest. At Their Best: Assimilate experiences in depth, making them deeply grateful and appreciative for what they have. Become awed by the simple wonders of life: joyous and ecstatic. Intimations of spiritual reality, of the boundless goodness of life.

Average: As restlessness increases, want to have more options and choices available to them. Become adventurous and "worldly wise," but less focused, constantly seeking new things and experiences: the sophisticate, connoisseur, and consumer. Money, variety, keeping up with the latest trends important. / Unable to discriminate what they really need, become hyperactive, unable to say "no" to themselves, throwing self into constant activity. Uninhibited, doing and saying whatever comes to mind: storytelling, flamboyant exaggerations, witty wise-cracking, performing. Fear being bored: in perpetual motion, but do too many things — many ideas but little follow through. / Get into conspicuous consumption and all forms of excess. Self-centered, materialistic, and greedy, never feeling that they have enough. Demanding and pushy, yet unsatisfied and jaded. Addictive, hardened, and insensitive.

Unhealthy: Desperate to quell their anxieties, can be impulsive and infantile: do not know when to stop. Addictions and excess take their toll: debauched, depraved, dissipated escapists, offensive and abusive. / In flight from self, acting out impulses rather than dealing with anxiety or frustrations: go out of control, into erratic mood swings, and compulsive actions (manias). / Finally, their energy and health is completely spent: become claustrophobic and panic-stricken. Often give up on themselves and life: deep depression and despair, self-destructive overdoses, impulsive suicide. Generally corresponds to the Manic-Depressive and Histrionic personality disorders.

Key Motivations: Want to maintain their freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences, to keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid and discharge pain.

i really feel like my brain's rotting away. feeling so caged up, couped up. i dont feel itchy anymore, or rather, sometimes i do. it's just that pain in the throat that's killing me.

someone just stop my brains from rotting away. it's definitely a pity to let such good brains rot cos of a damn chicken pox.

YEAH! CHICKENS DONT EVEN HAVE A BRAIN.

do they?

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/24/2005 04:11:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

no title.

chicken pox doesnt suck.
it's only when u have a sore throat that never seems to heal
then u start to think that being stuck at home
is one of the worst things that can happen to u.
read: OH MAN!
could it be that....
i actually have chicken pox growing on e insides of my throat?
boooooo! :(
all right! to all who are takin their results tmr..
ALL THE BEST! :)

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/24/2005 11:37:00 AM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

have you ever...

(okie let me have my imagination run a little wild =) )

just a random thought :
ever thought like the way we drown an ant, is just like the way we get mercilessly washed away by tsunamis?
we think of tsunamis as of great impact, ever wonder what ants think when we try to wash them away from our mugs?
thought about this when i was trying to drown some ants...
quite bo liao right? i think i have a cruel nature, haha HA!
anyway, what i was driving at is...
isn't it possible that there is a life larger than us, somewhere in this universe
and this life looks upon us as tiny creatures. just like the way we view ants...
i even thought that ants could have their own entertainment ( eg. TV sets)
in their nests or something...HAHAHA!

let's talk about supernatural then.
have u heard about the tales about marble-rolling sounds above us..from the ceilings
that speak of life living between the layers...
or rather. this LIFE plays with the marbles or something as their form of entertainment..
they say you can only see them if you are able to switch to their frequency.
let's say, if the marble-rolling tale is true,
it means that they are actually floating above us rite?
and maybe their floor is invisible to us. and this floor is at level with our necks.
means that we're smellin their feet rite? haha...

talk about bein on the plane.
when i was in the air...i was thinkin...
the sky's really the limit..no matter how i peered at every possible angle
i can never see where the blue sky ends..

talk about bush.
i always wonder if bush cries often...
and i'd like to see him cry leh?
maybe i should go impersonate as laura bush. :)
president as he may be, it's still hard to shoulder so much responsibilities and criticism rite
sometimes it's fun to just be able to peek into the political world
but too much of it makes u jaded i believe.
i'd prefer being the true me =)

all rightss. im really feelin itchy.
cheeeeeeeeeeky pox sucks neh =(

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/23/2005 10:42:00 AM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

bahz

i suddenly feel like ive been blogging nonsense
days without gp makes me feel like my brain's slowly
corroding. oh man.
so yes, uve got it right.
i LIKE gp.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/23/2005 09:02:00 AM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

this sucks.

my fever's gone but my throat's still bloodily inflammed.
so it's damn pain. i hate sore throats more than anything else
makes me wanna shut up.

and my friendster's friendlist....is gone.
which means im friendless.
OH MAN.

jingyi recommended this extreme tracker thing
and i installed lah haha...
quite fun! and realised that there's some foreign, meaning
other countries' ISP...
maybe by a chance of fate, they stumbled upon this blog =)
but just leave a tag if u guys wish! :)

anyway, jingyi!
BLISTERS....haha...i find it funny too!
but lucky i told you about my blisters and realised it's chicken pox...
if not i'd just dun care about it wan. =D

okiess.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/22/2005 08:47:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

about blogging.

what about blogging?
im gonna blog a 74856234 times more often which is already very often.
because im confined to the parameters of my home for 2 weeks.
i have to push back everything OH MAN
my driving my whatever shit shits.
this sucks.
i think im gonna crash course my driving lessons =)
everyday 1 lesson....damn cool right?
but this is sucky. i CANNOT go out at all.
and even after two weeks, i CANT go out because
by then, im already more disfigured with all the spots.
OH MAN.
ok dun grumble. all things happen for a reason,
as so i'd like to believe.

chicken pox when ure 19.
what a joke! laugh pls.
and im havin a fever running up to 38.9 degcel.
before i can even go uni,
my brain's fried.. SO YES.
this is a bad sign, an omen for my results.
oh man. talk about paranoia!!!!

just kiddin lah =)
im sure God has the best plans for me, really.

first time i saw Dr. Kenneth Lee.
eh, he's good looking leh.
nice eyes, flawless skin, what more can one ask for.
then my aunty was crazy
she said "aiya cannot liao, too late lah. dun think dun think"
den i "OI! U SAYING U OR ME"
den she was like "YOU LAH!"
hmmmmm. i dun go for lao nan ren like xx.
haha! anyway, Dr. Lee's very good lookin lah.
so is Dr. Loh, his wife =)

okayy. looks like these 2 weeks are meant for
reflection about all the mean evil witchy things i did for the past 18+++ years.
*hinthint my bdae comin!*
and do some good readin.
dust off all the good books ive bought on impulse.
get a good read out of them.
and be a better man.
robbie williams =)

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/22/2005 03:46:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

u hide n i'll seek

impromptu decision with jy to watch hide and seek.
average show. smart gal jy guessed it right.
shant say what hee, in order not to spoil the movie for others. =)

im down with sore throat, that one's real bad.
fever = 38.4 degcel.
joint ache.....
it's the second time in three months im fallin sick.
but i guess this comes with chicky pox.

gotta apologise to a few people... =[

bian fu sia! sigh so sorry all the work's gonna go to u. really so sorry din see chicky pox comin... =~(
anddd. thanks 4 e chats today! really appreciate them... =]

jieqi =[
im so so so so sorry that i cant go out with ya on saturday.
OH MAN this sucks. i can feel all the pox popping out... =~(
no entertainment for the next couple of weeks.
there goes my driving lessons....arghh.....
i have no choice but to postpone them mans.

to my colleagues!
sigh!!! prolly not gonna see u guys soon....
but in any case, take great care
and all the luck n best for upcomin results =)

who else. myself lor.
maybe i shouldnt even tell myself im sick!
chicken pox sucks.
think i am going to wrap myself up like a mummy for the whole of march.
sIgH.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/21/2005 10:50:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

oh no!

i suspect im getting chicken pox.
YES that poxy thing
oh no. i cant go out for like 2 weeks.
haha! =]
so im really not meant to take my results =p

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/21/2005 01:44:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

EMV

E for Evil
M for Malicious
V for Vicious.

add a R for Revengeful.
=]
if you dare say spiteful things
i have absolutely no qualms in returning them to you
two-fold, three-fold.
well i meant it when i said it pays to listen
but frankly dont bother to pretend to try
when this intention isnt genuine from the inside.
i mean, dont bother lah.
the chat last nite was freaky rite, ben?
and finally your name gets mentioned without Dan as ur last name.
:)
and to put it in layman's terms,
Ben is how i should call you as a stranger.
forget about having a stranger friend that overruns.
because the ideal purpose of a stranger friend is far from holding more than 1 conversation.
totally defeats the purpose, doesnt it?

if my intuition hasnt betrayed me
u blood must be stagnant at 100 degcel or even higher
that's fine. because jane stands for EMVR.
=] dont bother addressing each other as twin
because it's a habit n what not.
well. dont commit to say ironic things.
for one, twins dont actually be frank about the fact that
they dont listen well. or so bloody earnest about
"i dont purposely make time out for u one lah"

spiteful rite this entry?
it's just a return out of courtesy for the couple of lines u fumed me with.
i dont even need your friendship really.
thought stranger friends work.
but oh. COME ON. (Lleyton Hewitt?)
that's a heap of crap u should just forget about.

and in actual fact
i was talking to 4 ppl about the same thing
same old nonsense about OH I DONT WANT TO GET MY RESULT SLIPS
but ha. talk about seeing the distinct difference about which friends
actually appreciates my brand of nonsense.
even if it's nonsense, for that matter.

and fyi, the disparity, i truly comprehend,
is arising from the different values we take on in life
i honestly respect that.

i think im the reincarnation of a witch.
(:

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/21/2005 07:40:00 AM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

my decision 2 weeks frm now.

2 weeks frm now is a-level results day
ive decided NOT to open my result slips
until im home, and have caught a good rest.
so buddies & friends, uncles and aunties, brothers and sisters:
DONT message me to ask me how i did.

thanks abby for the idea.
i dont want to be in a situation when i might spoil everyone's happy mood.
just wanna be happy when everyone else is happy.
go home, sleep liao, wake up blur that time den open.
den maybe B oso see until A, can happy for a split second.
so dun ask me how i did ok!!!!
i tink i cannot take the pressure and suspense at hcjc school hall.

and i really hope my teachers dont give me a weird look
like "oh u've done well" or "im sorry u din do as well" look.
it's damn sad and telling.
=(
and somemore what teachers expect of you can be quite different from what u expect of urself.
so i think if i get a B,
mrs lee, mr chan and mrs koh will be very happy one.
so very sad rite?
for myself, ill just cry and faint and be rushed to hospital's depression department if i see that kinda grades.
but seirously, BBB isnt' THAT bad.
haiz...bie shuo le...=(
why cant i dont know my results forever?
then just apply for our dream course.
get in or not another thing.....at least spare myself of the thought u were marginalised by "better" and "smarter" assholes.

sian lah. rmb lor,
dun ask me for my results hor.....
i better say first.............
DONT ASK HOR!
(cos i oso wont know. :) )

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/20/2005 10:17:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

The Run

my jian fei ji hua is going on smoothly
glad that ive the discipline to force myself down to run... =)
but each time i complete a 8-round 3.3k run
i feel a new level of accomplishment...
tryin hard to recover the determined jane that went missing for a couple of years.
but i still prefer swimming lah. haha. =D

ntu talk later. tink im going again...
really bo see chuey see zou.
(mei shi zhao shi zuo = bo liao.)

starting to miss everybordee.
all immersed in their work......................
and soon im the only one unemployed [again]
but eh, i think there's still jieqi! :P

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/20/2005 08:36:00 AM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

i thought . . .

i probably will never have the chance to know how much u've suffered deep inside.
failed marriage and what not.
to me, you are the most successful person i've met.
at least u've got a daughter who emulates you. no lies.
until your sister told your daughter how you might have gotten into depression before the episode happened.
to think i speak of how much i seem to know you-
as a beautiful lady with the wits and ways of getting around things and people...
without any or much difficulty. you're your daughter's role model.
never did i know u probably did suffer that much,
that much i can never understand...
nonetheless, i still feel this spiritual link with you.
this trace of legacy you've left behind.
i only have the fond memories to keep...
no more reminders that you were probably suffering more than you show...
you're a strong woman.

i love you mum.

i hope you know that there's always a space in my heart specially for you.
ill never forget you and the small little lessons you taught me
that moulded into the Jane today.
you're the best gift God can give me,
just like how I probably am God's Gracious Gift to you.
i truly comprehend the origins of my name.
you're the best and u must know u live in me.
a huge part of me, really.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/19/2005 09:25:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

yanzi BoA

im getting real bored again so im singing along with yanzi HEH.
thats after i watched BoA's dvd for the second time runnin.
she can dance quite well ehs.... -grins-
u noe everytime i get in touch with the tv and media
my childhood fire of ambition simmers little by little it makes me quite confused about what i really want.
only time will tell, God has the answers for me, hasnt he?

gonna go chinatown later to go luvena's mum's shop to trim my messy eyebrow with jingyi.
hope she doesnt overpluck cos i dont have A BUSH to start with.
happy sngs npcc day to u jy! :D

im excited about this coming march =)
my drivin..my lang courses. COOL.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/19/2005 11:29:00 AM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

im dead tired...*yawns*

woke up at 7+. went for a 3.3k jog..
today seemed tougher than last nite, no idea why maybe cus my body hasnt woke up.
in any case, my mental strength pulled me through!
came back..watched BoA's DVD. she's so damn cool.
after which, decided to bring my granny to see the doctor for her cough.
her trains of coughs...are irritating.
and of course, it's cos i just wanted to make sure all is fine.

then came back i was damn tired i fell asleep and i just woke up.
oh yea! i managed to hang up all my clothes in my bursting wardrobe.
sounds like i have alot of clothes rite...
but i seldom wear them...wear the same nice ones haha..
impulsive buyer syndrome lah...and those i wear over again
are those i considered over a long time de..=]

gonna drop by aunty rita's house later to pass yuling all the stuff
as well as return aunty all the exam qns...
damn tired lahz..maybe go take a look at sum self-learning spanish books.

off for a shower.

sigh. sumtimes im so confused. if med isnt a high-paying job...would i still take it? i thought for a long time...but i gradually hear this soft "yes" getting more prevalent in the voice of my heart. all for the humanity and experience, really. tt's if i can make it. i hope, i hope.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/18/2005 03:27:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

retrenchment + back from run. =']

retrenchment.
so my retrenchment came true! for a couple of days (before courier was introduced), i was so bored at work, really. BUT courier service was introduced the day before yesterday! and OH MAN. things get a little more fun! and im still stubborn with the idea of me running courier services around CBD area! that would be SO FUN!

then came the news, im near retrenchment. haha!
but it's all right. today was early dismissal... =) i went down to cambridge language centre to sign up for language courses to fill up my march and april. =)
decided to take up french and korean.
mainly cuz both of them are the harder courses as compared to spanish and japanese respectively.
so just like why i decided to take manual over auto, i suppose it's always good to learn the harder things when young. it's when ur brain is most active and absorbing.

today i had a little chat with nadia *smiles*
such a sweet girl (= sensible kid. =)
and learnt abit of malay too! stupid stuff, really! =p
AKU CHANYIT PADAMU?
AKU MAKAN TAIT?

*grins*

talk about the run i just did.
not exactly long... i wanted to run like 10 rounds..or rather, 15 rounds that's inclusive of a little walking.
and decided 6 rounds was sufficient. din wanna end up in pain and crampy.
should slowly build up my stamina.
running is such a great way of sorting out your thoughts
and strengthening your psychological mind.
u'd be surprised how far and fast a simple "i can do it" bring you.
im a stronger person today. -smiles-.

all rightss. shall get ready for my 9pm show.
and btw, indeed indeed, if sum shall believe,
i am one of the most unforgiving brats alive in this revolving sphere.
but also a forgetful one, if u count that as being an irony to unforgiving.
watever the case, i just need a few good buddies around.
i dont even need a stranger. to be blatant.
because in the first place, why do u even consider keeping a stranger friend?
to listen to u bitch rite?
so tell me, what use is of one when he/she doesnt even listen and
actually tells u straight in the face that he isnt listening at all. HA.
PAL: one adage for u:

once bitten, twice shy.

i listen to all u have to say about ur girl
and this patience isn't reciprocated.
oh wells,

that's life, aint it?

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/17/2005 08:51:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

being a listening ear.

frankly, i hate it when my previous blog entry(on the same day that is), is full of joy and just a couple of hours later, im in tears while i blog because i think i need to get this out. sometimes u just feel like ure the most misunderstood person, most unlistened party-especially when the sun is down and spots of lights are hard to find-sometimes these sparks are just so distant from u u feel like ure not exactly a happy person u claim yourself to be. perhaps everyone comes by this stage- disappointment from expectations. but i cant help not to expect a little something from everyone, that's prolly why im far from being an unconditional human. miss chen once said, "never judge a person, they either disappoint u or surprise u". the depth of truth inherent in this simple quote goes far beyond words- we all know how relevant this is to our simple yet complex life. sumtimes u tink that someone can be a really good friend who can listen to ur woes but only to disappoint urself to realise that this other friend you have can offer to u and the friendship only this much. and it's only tt much-not even bein able to listen, just listen for that matter. but wake up jane, other people have what other shit of their own to deal with in their own lives. so, let it be.

in anycase, im real glad that ive got kor there for me, listening hard and well to all the woes i pour from my heart. this 15-minute depression i feel is ending soon. but it's heartening to know that there's always someone there, someone God put through to u, to hear u and share ur saddest moments with- before He allows u to think that you are prolly the saddest person on earth this very minute. cuz in actualy fact, noone is. thanks kor =)

perhaps perhaps, one of the biggest lessons ive to learn is not to expect so much from others, let alone hope that others can be as well and good as i am. be sure, i will learn. all i need is time- it could a day, a year, or actually...

a lifetime.

so yeah, sometimes things should just be on surface, just like how friendships should never bud from strangers.

goodnite all. my tears have run dry, or rather, my tearducts have decided to retire for the nite, or rather, for the month. till 21 days later where my tears see the world again, take care.
life is nothing but a cycle. a vicious cycle. u just cant seem to come to terms with urself at times.
but even when sumone could have left u in the lurch, another comes in rescue, to listen truely to what u've got to say. that's what friends are for. thanks again, kor! =) u kinda made me happy before i sleep. all e best to u and ur faith in God and rebecca jie =)


[ The Oymoronic Paradox ]: says:
okok...i told u tat i would be here for u when u need me most and here i will always be
im thankful for this listening ear u've lent, really. :)

sometimes it's a small step that touches e heart.
and also, sometimes it's that same small step that can overturn and take it the other way.
undesired u call it.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/16/2005 11:06:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

-grins-

work was less boring today!
all the courier services and all make our job less mundane, really!
it'd be so fun if we could go down and collect the applications back! :)
now, i dont think i really wanna get retrenched! -grins-
plus the database has officially been cleared.
we're just trying to chase back our apps...frm the offer takens!
arranging for courier can be quite fun! =)

anyway, im sucha spendthrift today! (i realise spendthrift is an oxymoron itself!)
i actually spent $39.90 on 2 CDs: david tao's and boa's :)
and the cd-rama girl's so niao. she refused to give me another stamp, when im only 10 cents away frm $40.
=(

and on my way back, i saw a REALLY CUTE doggie! :)
it's sooooo cute!!!! i wanted to just cuddle it!! -smiles-

anyone ON for spanish classes in march? march is my b'dae month!
and is my...rest month
and also a self-improvement month!

gonna meet shuming and amy tmr..they are gonna go back aussie soon...hmm!
kinda miss their presence @ work.
and im thinking im prolly gonna miss everyone at work...oh welllls.

AMERICAN IDOL tonite -SMILES-
today's a great day, ain't it! :)

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/16/2005 08:14:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

im beamin. :)

finally found a way to locate the coordinates!
plus help frm jingyi..i managed to upload a new layout for this bloggie =)
hope everyone likes it! :)

anyways, ive got my pay for last month.
not a bad pay, about $620 considering that i took like,
10 days leave from 21st to 31st :)
and im so NOT sian of this telemarketing job.
really NOT sian until i really hope to get 'retrenched' tmr.
only heartache is the pay
cus im intending to spend my pay on sum language courses.
for example, SPANISH.
why?
NADAL's the key =) ok. im startin to crap again.
but im quite sick of workin..all for the committment.
finished e database already and im wondering what's in for us.
all the callbacks are the pain in the ass.
lucky ive only 25. -grins-.

anyway. learnt abit more of bloggin html! oh man.
this is so fun compared to repeating chunks n chunks of shit. :)
and for the first time,
i heard 1 customer praise AMEX :)

off i go to bed. :) nitess.
TAG if u like this new layout!
personally, i LOVE it.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/16/2005 12:03:00 AM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

how exciting can life be?!

so my $56 hadnt gone down the drain today!
took leave for 3 reasons, all fulfilled!

1) i DID swim. 30 laps. that explains why im soooooo tired now. im almost half dead. or maybe i was never alive.
2) to book my driving lessons..and enrolment stuff. so im taking the stupid basic theory test on march 1st. i was flipping thru the handbook...really not for 3 year olds lar...ill just go hang if i actually fail it ok. managed to book 10 lessons.. -grins- ivy loh!! make me kan cheong leh, sae all bookings push till april le. but that was only for auto lahs. i decided to do manual. =)
3) xin did it! regardless of all the shit that may come out of it, im so proud of u! she actually thought "i cannot let jarnei down!" thats why she's got the courage to take e step forward!! :) im an inspiration to many, definitely! haha! :) now the situation is damn funny- surely an episode that would etch in our otherwise monotonous memories! :D

as loser-ish as it seems, ive decided to get myself stuck at home!! on vdae! =) gonna go buy some clothes hanger to hang my clothes. pack my stuff. anyways, my granny is down with sore throat so i felt quite bad if i were to go ahead with the party thing. wah lao, better not to many cute guys lahz..if not i will regret de...but im really too tired frm my 30 laps already.

im counting down to end of feb really... =) but no so as well.
yes cus im gonna stop working in end febb. devoting my march to uni-applications and driving and braces for my ugly teeth. OH MAN. metallic rabbit lah. sucks leh. but abby says it's worth it so maybe i shouldnt grumble too much lohz.

no cus tat means results will be comin out. i heard it's 4th march. oh wells.
been seriously thinkin what should i do if i dont even hit a AAB or ABB ( at the ultramost least)
i thought about retaking my As, but shudder at the thought that hcjc may not want to take me. afterall, the syllabus is different lahz like for practical assessment alone, it's diff loh.
im still sourcing for an alternative back up. but not so into diverting to other courses of study...
had a real great chat with my kor bryant.
he was sayin..so long can get to destination, it doesnt matter what path u take...
and he kinda reprimanded, or rather, remind me very politely that ive been too fickle minded and diao4 er2 lang1 dang1..kinda "woke up" frm the conversation.

ive seriously been missing too many opportunities for myself. it's such a bad way of discounting myself.
i hope God hears my little prayers and hopess..and bless me with the needed grades.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/14/2005 06:32:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

gettin exciting

after a whole long chat with xin
i realised life's too short to be worryin about how others think of u.
anyway it's nothing superbly astonishin.
and our intentions arent bad anyway

so anyhow, anyway,

GOOD LUCK MY DEAR XIN! :)

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/13/2005 11:52:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

drivin drivin!!

gonna go book my lessons tmr. heard from vee that the lessons are like packed till april
and that sucks totally.
because i was planning to chiong my braces and driving lessons and whatever all the shit university applications in march. den start working in april or even frm mid march.

and joshua just said that medicine in uni-mel starts in like what, feb 2006.

new blogskin's almost up. just tat i havent found e coordinates.
dear.

and it's been a long time since my heart accelerated like nuts.
it was pure hyperventilation and stupid xiaoxin had to be on the phone-
leaving me alone to fend for myself and save myself from e embarrassment.
i should have just said yes i wanted! but
too pai seh and shoved it off.
i suppose it will be over soon rite.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/13/2005 10:40:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

should i or should i not

should i change my blogskin?
xin says it's time.
but ill miss forever friends.

anyhow, it's under construction rite now.
could be up tonite.
could be up tomorrow nite.
could be up next month.
next year.

or never.
haha. =)

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/13/2005 08:55:00 AM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

pri sch gatherin :)

the turnout rate was pretty good i must sae,
over a quarter. 12 out of 39 -grins-
that is if we include esther who did come for lunch with us but had to leave for her rgs vball gathering.
it was quite silly. we were supposed to go lin's house today and lin suddenly said ou lao shi fetching him elsewhere. so we had to travel from yck to orchard to have lunch first, then all e way to east coast,
and back to yck.
lucky we took taxis to and fro and it only cost about $6 in all.
that's quite little to save all the inconvenience! :)

it was quite fun catching up with our teachers..mrs goh and lin lao shi.
mrs goh still looks very much the same...hasnt aged any one bit at all!:)
lin lao shi...still the same old lin. -grins-

e guys are already in NS. all e botak heads haha!
then they were mentioning that in NS,
there is like some elitist separation from the rest. i forgot who was sayin..
50% army guys smoke. but the block they are in...200 guys but none smokes.
distinct cultural differences. *shrugs*
then set me thinkin...if i would send my kids to an elite sch and i thought a big yes.
i mean from what i heard today
there is a difference between a student frm an elite sch and one from a mediocre sch.
-shrugs-
like what mrs goh said....
while some p6 students frm an average sch struggle with simple english words,
a handful of p1 students frm nyps are already reading harry potter.
yeah. roll ur eyes man. drop ur jaws.

it's all a vicious cycle lah.
generally..it's the elite who can send their children through the top schs rite...
shrugsss. life's unfairr.
but anyway, i feel really glad for my p-sch friends who are doing pretty well now....
3 of them are actually in the whitehouse platoon i heard. the scholars platoon.
wow. terence, zongxian, yonghe issit? i tink so.
xianbin went boston to study already.
robin still in UK with his hotbabes on his tabletennis table...haha!
candice gonna do medicine in UK. and heard a few others considerin med.
super zai lah. but real glad for them.

hope 10 years down e road,
we'd all hold successful careers and alll.
and maybe we still can meet up!
-grins-
great dayy but i was damn tired.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/12/2005 09:42:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

yawnss.

ive got e dizzy spells and headaches. sucks lehs.!
today my squaddies are havin class gatherin but i cant go.
cuz i hav my p-sch gathering!
not tt im exceptionally excited, but i think it's like
wow, after so long u get to see everyone again...
especially lin lao shi and mrs goh!! -grinz-

what else.
i was lyin in bed...and suddenly thought about
NYNP gettin silver this year.
4 years of Gold(consecutive) and yes, a year of silver
to break that chance of clinching the special award.
maybe ive misunderstood, but heard from my squaddies that b35 and b36 arent even bothered by it at all.
dont they even understand what type of effort their exma'ams have put in.
if not for the unit,
we need not stay in sch till like an average of 6-7pm everyday during e peak time.
all the toil, the tears are zilch now and the importance of nynpcc in cadets hearts are probably diminished.
i heard that the admin files werent even updated since 2001.
what kind of unit is that?
i dont even care about what other units do
they may not even have a admin file or whatever shit.
but look. we're talking about NYNPCC.
we are well-reputed. known for high-quality cadets.
but then again, high-quality cadets dont give such shit.
it's just heartquenching to hear that the unit u once fought for as a squad
is gradually degrading.
sighz.
and cadets can actually very candidly tell u "because ma'ams din seem affected so we gradually din."

so what's that supposed to mean?
that if there were other people who dont feel anything
that can serve to appease the uneasiness in u? WHAT SHIT.
this is a very individual thing. if u've done your part, tried your best
dont even have qualms about getting a silver.
but WHAT SHIT is this.
can u even tell me that u guys have done your best?
its not only your batches' effort at stake.
it's not that the special award is top priority
but whats affecting us is that you guys dont even seem to care.

and to my cousin zinc.
ur o-levels is this year- comin.. we all hate nagging at u. u also hate us nagging at u.
but we ARE worried.
and worried is merely an understatement. yes?
if u need help with timetabling, u just gotta ring me up and ill help u.
ure my cute cousin, no reason i wont help u.
but if u're going to wait for me to take the first step, i wont...
cos it's YOUR exams. 16 already, must learn to be proactive and independent yes?

shant let these affect my mood. just sucks.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/12/2005 10:12:00 AM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

chu 1

ydae. woke up at 8! but slacked around till like 11+ and went over to my aunt's place.
was supposed to rush to dad's house cuz he's going ipoh.
anyhow, when we reached he'd left.
den we went back to granny's place!
ate and played mahjong haha! it's an annual thing that we play mahjonggg! =D
cen and zinc were so fickle-minded! haha! -grins-
then uncle lian khee, aunt barbara, uncle lian jui and jaden came over.
aunt cindy din come cus she was working. =[
talked abit about gg aus to study and concluded that ill wait till As results are out first.
cuz without the grades, all will be empty talk.
and ill try applying to NUS first. for med that is.
sucks. just made me think why werent i a more conscientious student.
ok nvm! it's cny :)
yup so keepin my fingers crossed! -grins-
anyway sumtink stupid happened lah.
cen zinc and i were talking about gays and lesbians
and i just said... "damn it. i crushed a gay" hahha. and jaden just turned back and laughed.
or in fact, he kept turning back when we were on the issue.
sumthing's fishy! haha! jkjk.

then tagged along with my couz to visit their paternal side's relatives..
got to see anna jie and christina jie...it's been quite sum time i have met them!
was a pity we dint get to see ah du. (not like im his fan anyway)
cuz lily jie is ahdu's gf. yupss.

guess i was quite glad to be able to meet some of my distant relatives after sucha long time!
but i missed AI . =(

later gonna go my paternal side de. my first time in my whole life.
haha i think i sound funny saying this! but yeah,
frankly, my paternal side.. i only know who's uncle norman and aunt pauline.
the rest are...to say it blatantly, strangers.
so im quite scared going over. but then again,
im already 19 and think it's time to meet these people. oh wells.
and shun bian collect more angpows :)
and 03s66 gathering later at yokex house. :)
waiting to see show ah sum people..............................tsktsk!

cant wait for chu3. can stay at home and slack until dinner at nite-granny's bdae! :)
and chu4 is my primary school class gathering...cool rite. 6 years alr! -smiles- wanna see how they are all like now!!
chu5...all e visitin with shui. LOL. then bringing her to my aunt's place...after tt, aunty rita.
den it comes vdae, which is a work day! but so sian! my smates say dun wan go out cos the streets full of people de. which i agree. so i pinning my hopes of going out on shui. haha. lesbo syndrome ahhhh......................

okie happy CNY!
hope everyone's collection's been good!

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/10/2005 10:13:00 AM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

CNY eve!

i shall be an early bird, and wish all my fellow pigheads
Happy Lunar New Year!!!! :)

im down with headache and have decided to forego the cleaning of windows!
hehheh! :)
just back frm a few moments with my mom :) luv it.
will be going to aunt's house for lunch with my couz..
den KTV with my couz hees.
den dinner at my dad's place. can see my sis :)
den going fo tang =D
if ure actually confused about me being the only child
and i say i have a sis it's ok haha.
=) weird family structure. but not really close to my paternal side anyways.

i still have no idea what to wear on CHU 1
=D and i missed work today =(
is there any ang pow for me nots......................sobs.

anyway anyway!!

HAPPY CNY! :)

ps: read this: 4-year-old takes mum's car for a midnight spin!

___________________________________________________________________________________
today's activities..man. tiring!
ktv was less exciting maybe cos my cousins are so shy! haha.
we kinda ended up watching MTVs instead.
then went over to dad's place. i think aunt pauline is pretty man!
had a small chat with sis, aunt pauline and cousin -oh dear i cant remember her name-!
aunt pauline is nice cus she is not the typical "aunty"..
nice lady! =)
after that went to fo tang. all right lah.
but i think my aunt is pinning alot of hopes on me in terms of 'religion-wise'.
i have no idea how to tell her im not really tt keen.
sigh!

anyways. HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/08/2005 01:04:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

day2

im so not excited about cleaning up. man.
another new year resolution is to be consistent in keeping my room tidy and neat.
dun come home and throw my things around.
SIGH. that happens when ure e only child and living with ur granny.
wait till my next life when i have siblings and ill groan and moan about losing my things.
so, ON: i must learn to keep my things in place consistently.

as for now, i think the most efficient way to clean my dirty place
is to have a tsunami befall in my place onli.
i can shun bian take a natural bath. not bad eh?

anyway im so $)T%*U$UT)FS)P with my granny!!! though i still love her lah.
but she dun wan throw away all her stupid things!!!!
it just makes the place look so untidy, which already is.
and her stuff are huge and collecting dust.
SIAN. den i tole her throw away lar..
den she dun wan so stubborn! her mahjong table oso
she go friend's house play mahjong what! it's really useless lor
and it's spoilt.
so i say throw away lah throw away
u put there very hard to clean leh
den she angry >_<
so hard to please!!!!
now she's pissed. SIAN AH.

that's why i dun really like CNY.
-_-. all the cleaning and that apart,
relatives will come (you know those u see once in a year) or rather, they just my granny's friend's family..
den they start asking those surface questions like
"aiyo, so what u wanna do next time"
and for now, i'd hate answering such qns.
i wan med med med but what if i dont hit the criteria to u-mel. so lao kui.
den if u say med hor,
they will give u that kinda weird stare
so sian diao one lah..dunoo how to please those people
den when i was younger..
study in good schools..den they always gossip here and there
say wahhh so smart ar
when they prolly dun mean it =_=
study good sch means smart meh
i hope i dun so aunty next time..
(=

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/07/2005 10:46:00 AM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

spring cleaning is so stressful!!!!

that explains it all!! :(
but i can only blame myself for being lazy whole year round to not keep it clean.
and only stack up a whole year's dust to clear
with a sneeze every other minute! :(
i din know if i should throw this, and that because
some held sentimental value. like those frm my mum and all.
soft toys especially.

i only threw away some stuff today
tomorrow's another day of cleaning of shit
gotta go get some good scrubs! :)
but seriously what for rite
cos another 3 months down the road
it's all the same again!! :p

met up with the rest!!
sharon, xx, yokex, mich, yy, fangz!
we chatted like non-stop and realised we really are getting old.
just listen to our chat's terminology
it's like it's progressed from "friends" to "colleagues".
then there's the class gathering coming up :)
hope it's not on chu 3 nite because i gotta eat my granny bdae dinner!
and i forgot to tell them! (only realised on my way home lahs.)
and i chatted with chacha(=xx=xiao xin) about sum r/s thingy hahaha!
we are both on the same boat!!!!
wanna get 1 but still cant find a right one.
but i think we better dun think about it! ;p

tmr's another day of spring cleaning
took a day's leave to do tt! :p
oh dear.! all the work. all the wear and tear.
=[
lazy lahs. :(

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/06/2005 10:56:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

$ over kinship? that's bullshit.

though i can't boast that im a family-oriented person
nor brag about how blessed my family origins are,
i cant and never can, agree with some people who value money over kinship.
or rather, money over trust.
i cant imagine the day after i returned frm aust,
i received news that my granny's eldest son actually cheated some 20 over thousand from my granny.
the sum may be negligible to some of u
but to an old lady of 86 years of age
it IS a huge sum, a sum that took half a century to choke up.
it's not just a decade of savings, hard-earned savings you call it.
it's money that's not easy to come by, having to raise 3 kids on her own-
with my grandfather out at sea most of the time.

money aside,
i think what's even more heartbreaking is that
it was an absolute breach of trust.
to think my granny trusted my uncle for her whole life
and only to know that it was one of her biggest mistakes in her whole life.

if I, my granny's granddaughter can say that
"disappointment" and "disgust" are understatements to this whole episode,
i can't, i really can't imagine the pain my granny's going through.
it's like ur whole life crashing down on u.
and worse still, she doesn't show it.
that's the most hurtful wound that anyone can inflict upon u.

i still have no idea why people will fight over inheritance
is money that important?
it probably is, it can buy you many things to suffice that desire,
to make you happy substantially (but oso temporarily as well.)
but surely,
money can't override kinship.

how great can you feel
when you realise that, that pretence of being a filial son
is only a gimmick to access to ur assets.
not like my granny has much to offer, but like i said
it took decades to save up yeah?
i truly learnt that one shouldn't judge a book by its cover.
my uncle looks tame and timid, and a real honest guy.
but boy, my granny was wrong.

i can tell everyone straight.
i dont need to live off my mom's $
all i need is to have enough money for my university education.
i have hands, i have feet, i have brains.
i am capable.
i have almost everything that's needed for earning my every cent
after my university education.
after my uni, the charities can just take away all my money,
that's if i have any left.

this whole money issue,
pisses me off.

as a telemarketer,
u hear of people boasting about their AMEX platinum cards.
if you say it humbly, i pass it and even congratulate you.
some just
"HUH? I AM YOUR PLATINUM CARD HOLDER LEH! WHY STILL ASK IF I EARN 30K AND ABOVE?". and u'd be surprised. these are just the not-so-bad ones.
the really pathetic people are those who repeat that they are a platinum card holder every 10s.
ok, too exaggerated, but say, half a minute?

i told my colleagues...
i wanna hold an AMEX platinum card next time! :)
but that's to make myself happy only. and not to deny, i like AMEX the brand.
no point driving a ferrari, holding a GOLD/PLATINUM card or buying a house @ Queen Astrid (or whatever high-end streets) when your primary reason is to impress other people.
if you're genuine and sincere, you can live in a 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5-room-flat that's fine.
in the long run, what SMART and WISE people will look for is what you have inside.
that calibre in you.
not what Gucci bag you're carrying or how big a swimming pool you have in your backyard.
if the people around you are impressed by the facade you have BOUGHT,
there are only two possibilities.

one- they are as pathetic and shallow as u.
two- they are idiots. like u.

choose one. either is to just send urself to ur window.
open that window.
jump.
and burn in h*ll.

those rich fugheads who have NOTHING inside to back them up
just make me puke.

let me say it straight.
money may be important
but dont live ur life as if money is your everything.
u arent gonna carry them with you when u go to lleh.
u just gotta make sure u have a couple of thousands left for ur funeral.
take it that life's just that pathetic yeah?
oh no, money is THAT pathetic.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/05/2005 10:39:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

finally! :)

i finally uploaded the pictures! haha.
anyway if u are interested in architecture u can take a glimpse at some of the buildings in melbourne
i think sum are really beautiful =)
din take a picture of the state library though
its kinda gorgeous...


anyway, i asked this mr. simon to do a portrait for me for A$30. i din know i had such small lips!! haha.


jieqi u'll love this. this's the best pic i took of federrer and it wasnt zoomed in or anything. u can keep it dear! haha! i took pics of him serving too! :D


i really thought this guy could draw pretty well! :)


this bunch of PHILIPP supporters (philipp's the guy who played roddick in round 4 or 3 can't remember.) are really hilarious!!!! they cheered so loud during the games and i took this pic with them after they were done with sum tv station interview. super spontaneous!! i love such people mans! and look at their skirts, short and sexy! their legs are what im envious of man!!


remember i mentioned about a teenager who could really play tennis well? he's the one on the right. think he's onli 13-15 of age..JAMES LEMKE! :)


this pic's at class gathering!! :) 03s66 gathering @ yeeling's house
before we bidded the guys farewell! my class girls have a really strange habit of standing round the piano and start singing. =D


this' me mich and fangs! mich loves my cam hahaha! she thinks it has some really special effects... *winkS* ;p


class photo! a little dark though............. haha.


i like this! dont i look pro!! :p
anyway i wasnt posing hors! cos quite a number of people din believe i could play de piano.. very unbelievable mehs.. =[


4/4 class pic!! at yuying's house =)) the food was really yummmy! and i recall i ate quite alot!! :P
kinda miss 4/4...u know the times we really helped each other out during Os.. =)
-hugsss-
from e left: ven diana zequan jieqi me n grace...
how come i dun have the one with waichee and e rest inside =(
got take one rite!?!?!?! :(

anyway meeting smates tmr :)
after bang-seh-ing a couple of times
i've resolved NOT to bang seh tomorrow
if not it's a breach of trust...
plus
i MISS THEM!!!!! *smiles*

lovee, jarneis.

gotta pack my room for CNY.
=_=)
do u see a sian diao face =_= or a smiley face =)
??

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/04/2005 09:25:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

sleepy spells.

today @ work was tiring and dreadful.
i really hate dozing off on the phone.
AMEX(singapore) seems really bad.
listened to 4 customers complain about our service.
-shrugs-
looked around the whole new building today.
3rd and 4th level were cool mans.
all the egg-room oval-room (though i still insist that it's a semicircle yeah?)
basically my company's part of Ogilvy, which is apparently some
advertising and public relations mnc?
hmmmms. alot of angmohs.
haha! but dun have from spain one leh
even if have i oso dunno.
(psst! nadal's enough! :p)

ahhhhs. jingyi says my hair makes me look lian-ish.
sians. one of the people i dun really like
are lians? haha. and of cos smelly armpitts.
thinking of buying a darker bottle to go over my colour.
sians. but all the dye make me sick. seriously.
im really sian about my work man.
or maybe ill just say,
im just counting down to end of feb.

med med med.
anyways. saw a few students on the bus today
and realised, i kinda miss donning my nanyang and hcjc uniform.
the life then's so different!
im getting old!!
:(

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/02/2005 07:42:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

sleepy spells.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/02/2005 07:42:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

ficklemindedness.

dont really know how to start this.
just feel like it's turning me upside down, downside up.
inside out, outside in- whichever way it is.

how can anyone be as fickleminded as i am over a thing called,
"ambition".
or maybe i'd always been steadfast, deep inside.
it's only that lack of courage to pursue this dream that lasted since 7.
and only to fade when i was 14.

sigh. like how people always say,
the easier way is not necessarily the better way.
we all know the certain lot of truth tt's in there.
taking medicine is like a dream-come-true,
fulfilling that childhood dream, that promise i shared with my mummy.
sigh.
i wish i had a passion like fire.
to chase any dream, without having to look back.

im starting to feel the nerves abt what to expect frm my a-level result slip.
to guarantee a place in u-mel for medicine, there's gotta be nothing less than
AAA.
there's no place for any flaw.
no space for any slightest blemish in the result slip.
tt's what i've been afraid of.

and what's the other that im afraid of?

that this on-off passion will only last for another 2 weeks
before im all for UN once again.
or to be shui's manager. (ha!ha!)

sumtimes u can really hate urself for not setting a limit.

all im hoping for now?
im just praying so hard
biting so hard
crossing my fingers so hard
that As wont be a disappointment.

to my mummy.
if u still have the faith in me to fulfil this childhood dream
pray hard for me
and bless me with the necessary results
and lead me to the path.
love u.

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/01/2005 11:07:00 PM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets

backiko!

i MUST say!!!!
the Qantas stewards are quite cute.
and if im not wrong, they do have that reputation for having hunky onboard waiters.
so gurls! :) do consider taking QANTAS .:)

anyways. Safin won :)
after missing 2 rounds of AusOpen finals.
he very well deserves it, i must say.
sunday's worth a mention cus we went to joshua's church
but i kinda felt awkward(yy 2) esp. when this lady spoke.
after that we went to jessie's house(jessie=newfoundfriend/church fren)
to watch Aus Open final that was between
homeground fav Hewitt and the ultra humourous Safin.
the commentators deserve a bashing lar.
u know at first, there was one saying
"when safin was serving for the set, he dint serve like a winner."

den later. towards the end of the game
when it was nothing less that obvious that safin had the upperhand,
one of the commentators said
"when Safin is on form, there's nothing much Hewitt can do"
wth.

not tat im a fervent supporter of Safin,
its just that i dont really support hewitt lah.
though towards the trophy ceremony, my heart did go out to hewitt
cuz he teared!!!!
anyways, i din really like safin also.
but after seeing that umchio on safin's face that made him like a zillion times more handsome
i think he's not bad lah. quite cute :)

BUT BUT BUT!!!!!!!!!!
nadal still number One! :)
im itching for another year of Aus Open next year.
JIEQI! u ON ma? heee!!!
by then, nadal will make it sumwhere to the semis or finals even! :p
cannot miss it de!!!!

kkks. shall upload e very few pics i took.
:)
and i put on weight!!!! after all the mindless eating ;p

anyway.. last but not least

THANK U YUYING!!!!!!!
*bearhugs* stay safe and hope to see ya soon!!!! :)

caught Jane Xie> day-dreaming at 2/01/2005 01:36:00 AM

life's a dream with its sunrises and sunsets